I am done!

No more crying, moping, or just being all "Emo" (without the whole wanting to die crap) and what not. I know it is not healthy but I still wanted to hold on. All I have been doing is wishing and wanting. A few weeks ago I posted a blog on Myspace, "SCREW THIS!!! THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE!!!" This blog basically was stating that I am going to get my shit back together, do what I need to do and achieve my goals. But mostly about what I had written in the first sentence of this post. However, still holding on to the face that I was determined that I was going to get her and my family back.

Now, here is where I am confused with my thinking... I still want to be with her, I still love here very much. But sometimes when she makes jokes, sometimes it goes too far and it ends up upsetting me. Yet, I take it and say nothing. Partly because that is my nature. When people "make fun" of me, I let it pass and it usually doesn't bother me. The other part is because how I still feel about her and anything negatively harsh that she says, hurts.

My other dilemma is interest in another. It is pretty hypocritical of me still feeling the way I do for her. Yet, I an curious about someone else. What makes it more difficult is that I don't really know who this person really is. All I know is what T had shown me on Myspace, and that was not much either. There are two points to this subject: 1) T is back with MY first son's biological father. I had a feeling this was going to happen and had a feeling that it happened a couple if weeks before she told me. Apparently she was going to tell me later, but I guess I pried it out out of her. This for some reason made me back off from here quite a bit. 2) T was showing me her Myspace page, because I was looking at different peoples' art and she said to check "S" out. Though I could not see here profile, T had to show me through her's. Anyway, the point to #2, is when we were looking at her page she said, "She is hot, huh?" I said, "Yeah, she is." Now she had mentioned that she was thinking of "hooking us up." I took it as a joke, but then like always I started thinking... and getting curious. I then I asked her if she meant it or if it was a joke. She meant it. Now, I started to think... is trying to get me off her back or just saw my interest. The funny thing is that I don't really think of that too often.

Well, lol... I believe that's ALL I have to say right now. I haven't written since April 11. A lot has gone on. I have a job, FINALLY. Thanks to T (I work with her, lol). If it wasn't for her working there, would not have found out about the job. Also, instead of using this blog as a one big sob story, I am going to use it as like research and analysis of my situation(s), amongst other things. Screw this "EMO" shit! lol

Yeah...okay... I am done know.

Late